


Love In The Time of War

by mayawrites95 (mayarox95)



Series: A Light In The Darkness [12]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fix-It, Kylo Ren Redemption, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-18 05:12:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13093110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayarox95/pseuds/mayawrites95
Summary: Rey is terrified of losing those she loves. Leia comforts her





	Love In The Time of War

**Author's Note:**

> Should be read as part of a series can be read as a stand alone

It’s been nearly two months since Ben had come back to the base, nearly a month since Han Solo had returned home, and a little over a month since she had found herself kissing him that day while training.

And it wasn’t as if it were a one-time thing. Kissing him that day was very much something the both of them had enjoyed. Something which she had enjoyed.

She found herself looking for reasons to spend more and more time with him. To spend more time alone, so that all she wanted to do was wrap her arms around him and draw his body to hers once more, as their bond pulsated between them.

And it wasn’t as if she were the only one. It was almost as if Ben being home with his family, with his father, had made him more confident. He no longer had as much of a dark cloud hanging over his head. He no longer felt the need to hide away for days on end, as he was afraid someone would lash out at him at any moment, sure that he was going to betray them all. And in that came a certain confidence. One which he used to pull her into empty rooms while she had some free time, and used to kiss her mindlessly, until she lost the ability to think clearly.

It was a distraction, that much was for sure. But it was a distraction which she welcomed nonetheless. And if she were honest, she would admit just how much that terrified her.

She’s spent her entire life alone, waiting for parents who were never returning. Waiting for them to come back and tell her that they made a mistake, or that there was some greater reason why they left her on Jakku of all places. That they did it to keep her safe from the war.

She’s not used to having so many people around that she cares about. She’s not used to having Leia mother her, or Luke training her, or Han teaching her differently flying techniques which she uses on her missions. She’s not used to coming to rely on Ben, and the sense of comfort and familiarity he gives her. The happiness he gives her. And it terrifies her, more than anything.

It’s why she finds herself training in solitude that day, trying to clear her mind from distractions and from the confusion she’s facing. She’s terrified. Terrified that she’s going to lose them all, that something will happen. It scares her on every mission that they go on. That before one of them leaves that it could be the very last time she sees them. And she’s not sure how to react to it. How does one react to being terrified that they’re going to lose someone they care about? Someone they love?

And she does. She loves them all. She loves them for being like a family to her. A family she never had.

But more importantly, she’s falling in love with Ben Solo, and that thought terrifies her more than she can possibly fathom. And she doesn’t know what to do about that.

“You seem to have the weight of the world on your shoulders,” she hears Leia comment, and the rock she’s focusing so hard on levitating falls to the ground in front of her.

“I do,” she confessed, turning to face Leia.

“What’s causing you so much distress?” Leia asked, looking concerned.

“I’m scared,” Rey said softly. “I have so many people I’ve grown to care about here, and I’m terrified every time we go into battle that some of them won’t return. I see the casualties each time. It’s not unrealistic that one of these trips someone I care about might not return.”

“That’s how war is,” Leia said softly, “I grew up in the rise of the Empire. I watched my planet, the one I called home, destroyed by the Empire as a means to cause me pain. I watched the First Order rise in front of me, corrupting my son, and attempting to destroy my husband. I’ve seen countless people die under my rule. But it never gets any easier. Every loss hurts, Rey, no matter how close or how far. There’s nothing I can say that will make you less afraid.”

“How do you do it?” she asked, voice breaking. “How do you watch them go off to fight knowing they may not return?”

“Because I need to have hope that they will,” Leia said, “And I know we have no choice. As horrible as their deaths are, if the First Order is allowed to succeed, it will be so much worse for the entire Galaxy. We fight out of necessity, not out of desire.”

“I’m afraid I’m going to lose him,” Rey admitted.

Leia was quiet for a moment, and she knew the woman was well aware that Rey was talking about her son. While they had tried to be discreet in their meetings, she knew that Leia suspected.

“You love him,” Leia said, and Rey’s silence confirmed it.

“It’s not the right time,” Rey said softly, “We’re in the middle of the war. We never know who will come back and who will perish. Even with Snoke dead, and Ben back with the Resistance, the First Order is still holding a considerable amount of power in the universe. We need to focus on bring them down, not my feelings.”

“They don’t need to be a bad thing. I fell for Han while we were fighting against the Empire,” Leia reminded her. “Love isn’t practical, Rey. It doesn’t happen when we would like it to. You can’t plan for it. It happens when it does, and you can either chose to let it, or let it slip through your fingers. It’s up to you what you wish to do.”

“I can’t lose him,” Rey said again.

“Then don’t push him away,” Leia advised. “Ben is many things. He’s resilient. He fights for those he cares about. And he cares about you as much as you care for him. Don’t push him away, Rey. He can take care of himself.”

She nods slowly, staring off in front of her.

“I spent many years away from Han because we were both afraid of losing the other after losing Ben. It tears at you inside. Don’t push Ben away because you are scared of losing him. Tell him your fears. Let him prove to you that he’ll survive. And he will. Ben isn’t going anywhere,” Leia spoke. “Love is a beautiful thing.”

Rey sighs, “I’ll talk to him.”

Leia smiles at her, in a motherly way, and she finds herself growing warm. She’s still terrified of losing those close to her, but having people she loves isn’t something she would trade for any world. 


End file.
